believe
by shel
Summary: cole's plan to make phoebe believe in love again worked...or did it?
1. part 1

CHARMED

**"Believe"**

by shel

©may 2005

_disclaimer: the charmed ones, cole, and leo, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love, belong to spelling television, inc. and possible other copyright holders. i intended no true infringement on their copyrights; i only wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear; the only things i've gained from this story are the satisfaction and pleasure of having written it and in knowing that others may have enjoyed it too…_

_rating: pg-13_

_summary: cole's plan to make phoebe believe in love again worked…or did it?_

_timeline: six weeks after the end of season 7's, 'the seven year witch'…_

_archive: please don't without expressed permission…_

_notes: couldn't help it - the plot, seeing cole again, it all just begged the muse for a fic...so, here goes...'come dance with me' lyrics by s. cahn/j. van heusen...and, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending any flames…_

_**Part One**_

"Look, I liked Drake too," Paige paced in the kitchen, "and I know I thought Phoebe was falling for him but they knew each other for three weeks, he's been gone twice that, and she's still in the dumps."

"Sometimes," Piper replied as she spoon-fed Chris part of his lunch, "it's not the quantity but the quality."

"And sometimes it's something else," Paige mused, "or should I say someone else?"

"Let it go, Paige," Piper warned in a sing-song voice so as not to upset her son who was finally eating the strained peas.

Paige spun in mid-stride and strode to the table, dropping in a seat next to Piper in annoyance, "I know you told us that Cole helped you. Fine, great for him. One less crime to atone for. But Phoebe hasn't been the same and I'm beginning to wonder just which demon she's mourning."

Piper set the baby spoon on the tray and turned to her younger sister, "Does it matter? Like you said, she was falling for Drake and now he's gone. And as for Cole, she never really mourned him."

"Of course she did."

"Before he returned from the Wasteland and went crazy," Piper mentioned as she began feeding Chris again. "But after you told us about his vanquish in the other reality?" Piper shook her head, "Phoebe never mourned him. She shut the book on him. Big difference."

"She moved on," Paige declared. "I know it hasn't been easy for her but she's moved on. What about Jason and Leslie?"

"Don't you have to be back at Magic School?"

"Why aren't you more concerned?" Paige wondered with exasperation.

"Because I know Phoebe," Piper calmly replied. "And I know that Phoebe has never had an easy time with love. Just ask Cupid."

"What?"

"Never mind," Piper shook her head. "Trust me on this, Phoebe needs to make her peace with Drake's leaving but even more so with Cole's. It's the only way she'll truly be able to move on, and isn't that what we all want for her?" Paige considered her with an odd look. "What? Do I have peas on me or something?"

"I think you've died just one too many times."

"What?"

Paige frowned, "Just what happened this time that suddenly you're Cole's best friend?"

Piper sighed, "I told you everything that happened." Paige didn't seem convinced so she tried to explain, "Cole was in our lives for a year before we met you. We got to know him, got to watch Phoebe fall in love with him, got to watch him fall in love with her. We accepted him into our lives."

"Until you found out he was the demon sent to kill you," Paige reminded her.

"Yeah, that was a bit of a bump in the road," Piper nodded awkwardly. "The point is, they tried so hard to overcome everything thrown their way. And they almost succeeded."

"Until the Source came along," Paige commented. "But Phoebe put it all behind her. She understands that she and Cole never stood a chance. Demons aren't meant to be good."

Piper kissed Chris's pea-encrusted fingers and grinned at him before replying to her sister, "What about Drake? He spent his whole demonic existence doing his best to avoid being evil. He spent the last year of his life as a human. He died a good soul."

"So he was an exception," Paige acceded. "But we'll also never know for sure if he would've remained good. Maybe he was afraid of the temptations that living would offer and decided to take the easy way out. Maybe that's the real reason he refused to let us find a way to save him."

"You don't honestly believe that, do you?"

Paige slumped back in her seat, "No…But I'm still worried about Phoebe. Did you see her column yesterday? So upbeat and full of witty replies about believing in the power of love."

"Almost like she's trying to convince herself," Piper reluctantly agreed, "rather than her readers. She's just going through a rough patch now. Give her time."

"I know you and Leo've got this all-powerful love," Paige hesitantly said, "and I'm thrilled for you that you've found the love of your life and will get your happily ever after…"

"But…" Piper warily encouraged.

"But do you think Phoebe maybe had a point about us not finding love?" Paige reached out to shake Chris's hand, "Given our family history, do you really think Phoebe and I will ever find a love like yours? A love that won't end in tragedy?"

"Of course I do," Piper quickly answered as she hugged her youngest sister. "The right men are out there and you'll find them, I promise," she added as she crossed her fingers behind Paige's back.

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"I'm glad you invited me," Victor smiled to his youngest daughter, "because it's been too long since you and I've had any quality time together."

Phoebe hugged her father as they walked to the benches that faced the playground swings. "I miss you too, Dad. It's nice out today, isn't it?" She pointed to the youngsters racing around the playground and shrugged, "It's spring and it's a time of…never mind."

"It's a time of renewal and love." Victor draped his arm around Phoebe's shoulders as they found a clean bench and sat down. "It was your mom's favorite season, you know."

"Really?"

"Really," he nodded. Concerned when the spark in her eyes at the mention of her mother faded almost immediately, he admitted, "I've been worried about you girls."

"We're okay," she assured him. "Piper and Leo are gonna be fine. They're so much in love."

"Except now that Leo's human, you're in more danger," he worried.

"He figures the Elders'll assign us another Whitelighter," Phoebe assured him. "But they know they're not exactly number one on our list of favorite people right now so they're backing off us for a bit."

"Not exactly how Paige put it when I stopped by the house this morning."

Phoebe couldn't help but smile at the thought of Paige's choice words. But the smile quickly faded, "They didn't play fair, Dad. They said they'd test Leo and it would be his free will but they didn't leave it up to him. They were afraid he'd choose Piper and they intervened. How are we supposed to trust them?" She abruptly stood and crossed her arms as she gazed longingly at the children on the swings. "How are we supposed to believe in anything good when the ones who are supposed to be the epitome of good keep turning out to - never mind, they're probably listening…"

"What, you're not allowed to be angry or hurt by what they've done?" Victor said with annoyance as he stood too. "Just think of what they've put you through for the past seven years. They've doled out their advice and their help when it suited their purposes, not yours."

"You really do hate magic, don't you," Phoebe sadly realized.

"They used you, Phoebe," he raged, "you and your sisters and your mother. All in the name of good, as if that excuses everything else they've done. Two of them died, Phoebe. How is that good?" But when he saw the tears in her eyes, he immediately reached for her, "I'm sorry, baby…" When she entered his embrace, he hugged her tightly, "I don't hate the magic, Phoebe. But I do hate the way it's been used."

"I don't want to lose you," Phoebe whispered.

"Oh, baby," he promised as he kissed the top of her head, "you will never lose me."

"You left before…because of magic."

"Because I was grieving and bitter and angry," he apologized. "I loved you girls with all my heart but I couldn't compete with the magic and with the life your grandmother was offering."

"And you went anyway," she complained.

"I came back," he countered. "I tried to make up for it, start again."

But Phoebe wasn't listening as she continued in an agitated tone, "Everyone goes away. They either die or they leave and we're left alone. I'm always left alone."

"I'm not leaving you ever again," he swore. "You girls, the boys, you're everything to me." He held her tightly and continued to make soothing promises while she slowly calmed. "Talk to me, Phoebe, what's really going on?" She shook her head but he requested, "Please, talk to me. I know I haven't been the most encouraging when it comes to magic but I'm still your father and I want to help even if it means that all I can do is listen."

"I lied," she sniffled before she pulled back slightly, "I lied to Drake."

"The demon who worked at Magic School, the one who died?" When she nodded, he asked, "Okay, so what'd you lie about?"

"He was about to die and I told him what he wanted to hear…I told him I believed in love…" She couldn't stop her tears and couldn't continue.

Victor led her back to the bench and sat with his arms around his baby girl, "But you don't?"

She shook her head and mumbled, "But he wanted so badly to hear me say it. So I lied."

"You meant well," he quietly told her, hoping to alleviate her guilt. "But he's not wrong. You have to believe in love, Phoebe. It's the only thing worth living for."

"Or dying for," she sobbed.

"Let it out, baby," he murmured as she buried her face in his chest, "let it out."

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	2. part 2

_**Part Two**_

"I'm sorry, Dad." Phoebe blew her nose into the tissue he'd handed her. "Not exactly the way I'd planned on spending lunch with you."

"I'm here with my daughter, that's all I care about," he assured her. "Now talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about," she insisted as she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. "Leo's back, for good. Drake's gone, for good and C -- and life goes on."

Deliberately not picking on the aborted mention of his former son-in-law, he said, "But it won't be the same, certainly not with Leo being human. If I recall correctly, weren't his wing clipped once before?"

"It's permanent this time," she declared.

"Wasn't it permanent then too? What if the Elders change their minds again?" Victor worried. "If they were so desperate that they had to trick him, maybe --"

"They didn't trick him exactly," she patiently interrupted, "they just didn't play fair. But don't worry, Dad, Leo's fine and so is Piper and they'll adjust and overcome any problems because they're destined to be and I think the Elders finally get it. Of course, they could always offer some sort of compromise but I'm not sure they're ready for that yet."

"So you do think Piper and Leo will have problems…"

"Not the way you think. It was hard for Leo that first time," she explained. "Magic was a part of him for decades and to suddenly be without it…It's not a simple adjustment, especially when you're involved with our family. But they love each other and this's what they both want so they'll make it work."

This time, he took advantage of the opportunity and asked, "Isn't that what you told me about you and Cole?"

Phoebe's breath caught in her throat at the mention of his name but ignored the comment. "Piper and Leo will be fine. I told you, they're destined to be together. Their love is so powerful and will endure anything."

Refusing to let the matter slide, he quietly commented, "As opposed to yours."

She was silent a moment before standing, "I'd better get back to work."

"You'll have love again," he promised, "just like Piper. Don't give up on it, on your future."

With her eyes downcast, she shook her head, "I know what my future holds, Dad. I'll be alone, a sad lonely old woman."

"You can't believe that," he gasped.

"I've seen it."

"You've seen other futures that didn't, that won't, come true," he countered.

She turned from him, "I've gotta go."

"You've gotta sit down, young lady," he ordered, tugging on her elbow, "and that's not a request."

Phoebe grudgingly sat down next to him. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me where that load of crap is coming from."

Surprised by his anger, she looked at him in confusion, "It's reality, Dad. Our whole line is filled with witch after witch who was single either by choice or by death or by disappointment. Not one had a happily ever after. That's something for fairy tales and TV shows and I never should've dreamed of it."

"I know you've been hurt and disappointed in life," he acknowledged, "and I know you've lived nightmares I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but you can't tell me you haven't found happiness or love."

"Of course I have," she quickly clarified, "but it never lasted. It's time I accepted the truth. Except for Piper, it's just not meant to be."

"They ought to fire you," he chastised.

"What?"

He pointed his finger at her, "They're paying you good money to give advice that you're obviously making up because you don't believe it yourself."

"Look," she conceded, albeit with annoyance, "maybe Paige stands a better chance because her parents were happily married but me? Face it, Dad, I'm destined to be alone. Maybe I won't be a bitter old hag but I'll be alone just the same."

"I can't believe you're giving up on love," he exclaimed. "You were born to love, Phoebe, and born to receive it. Damn Cole for doing this to you!"

"It's not Cole," she quickly told him, hoping they weren't attracting any attention, "at least not completely. Don't you remember the cold feet I had when he first proposed? It's because I'd never imagined myself being married. Sure, I loved kids and wanted them in my life but I thought that meant being the absolutely best auntie in the world. I never expected to have my own."

"Phoebe…"

She held up her hand to stop him from speaking so that she could continue, "For me, having my own kids meant that I'd have to find that one special someone to share the rest of my life with and I never thought that would happen. Remember, Dad, love was something I wanted to avoid at all costs. Find a guy and have fun in a fling, sure, but to open myself to the risks of pain and heartache in a long-lasting relationship? Not a chance."

"But you did. You found love and opened your heart and I know you were hurt but you can't give up on love now," he argued. "Your life would mean nothing without it. Love is everything, Phoebe."

"It makes the world go round?" she chuckled sadly. "You sound like Drake."

"Maybe the demon knew what he was talking about," he said, surprising himself for actually defending a demon he'd never met.

"Drake meant well," she sighed, "and maybe if we'd met sooner, we'd -- See, it just proves my point. I'm pretty sure he was in love with me, I mean he didn't say it but I could feel it, even without my power, and --"

"Did you love him?" He was taken aback by her silence. "Phoebe?"

"I cared about him," she confessed, "so much that I ache when I realize he's not gonna burst into the room singing some old song and I miss him even more than I thought I would but I'm not sure I was head over heels in love with him. Maybe if we'd had more time…"

Victor caressed her cheek, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. But maybe all this is coming from his death. You're still mourning him and what might've been and --"

"That's not it," she interrupted. "It's love, plain and simple. I tried to help Drake, I wanted to do more research and find a way to save him but he kept refusing. If he loved me and if he believed in love being so all-powerful, why would he do that? Why would he give up? Why shouldn't I?"

"If for no other reason than he asked you not to," he stated. "I'm guessing it was important to him."

"I just wish I could figure out what he'd been hiding," she murmured, lost in thought. "He was pretty vague about answering me and --"

A gunshot interrupted her and both Phoebe and her father were startled into standing positions.

Victor grabbed Phoebe's arm, "Don't even think about it."

She gently removed his hand, "I've gotta help."

"That's why there're foot patrols, Phoebe," he insisted. "Leave it to the professionals."

"I am a professional, Dad," she smiled before kissing his cheek and running off in the direction of the shot. "Stay here."

"Be careful," he prayed in a whisper. He watched her disappear behind a grove of trees but a feeling of dread was growing stronger and he decided to ignore her warning and go after her. He hadn't gone far when another shot rang out and he froze. "Phoebe…"

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In the solarium, Leo watched Wyatt playing with the colorful blocks. He called out to Piper who was still in the kitchen cleaning up Chris's lunch, "So we won't have to pay for those extra liquor bottles."

"We shouldn't have to since it was the driver's fault the original order shattered in transit." She entered carrying Chris who reached out for his father.

Leo gladly took Chris and Piper smiled at him, "This's gonna work, isn't it, Mr. Co-Manager?"

"I'm still not sure I want the title," he chuckled, "but I don't mind helping out at P3. It keeps me busy and I feel like I'm helping."

"Of course you're helping," she hugged him, squashing her son. She tickled him in return. "I couldn't do this without you, Leo. Besides, if nothing else, at least you're on-call to watch your sons if we have to run and fight evil."

He placed Chris in the playpen among the plush toys and added, "But we may have to consider buying another car."

"Why," she worried, "what's the matter with my car? You didn't have an accident, did you? Our insurance --"

"Nothing happened," he interrupted, "but I realized that when I'm using yours during the day, you're left without one."

She waved away his concern, "I'll use Paige's. Since she's been running the school, she's barely used her car. I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"Speaking of Paige, how is she?" Leo asked as he led Piper to the wicker loveseat.

"Still worried about Phoebe," she sighed, leaning into his embrace.

"And you're not?" He gazed at her and realized she did seem more at peace these days. "Cole did more than convince you to call for me, didn't he?"

Piper sat close to him and thought for a minute before she answered softly, "I think I understand why Phoebe fell in love with him and why she was so devastated when he died." She caught the flash in his eyes and smiled, "You're cute when you're jealous." But she quickly continued to stop his protest, "But it's not like that. You're the only one living or dead that I'm in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with."

"Good," he muttered before accepting her remorseful kiss.

"I think the worst part is that he's still so much in love with her. I mean you should've heard him talk about her," she wistfully recalled. "Of course, he also really did screw things for her too," she sighed as she rested her head against Leo's shoulder. "She really hasn't found love again since Cole. I mean I know she loved Jason but it wasn't the same and she certainly wasn't in love with Leslie. Maybe if she'd've had more time with Drake…"

"So why aren't you as worried as Paige?"

"Because Phoebe will get past this," Piper honestly replied. "She's stronger than we tend to give her credit for. And now that I've told her about Cole's involvement, I think she can finally let him go in a way she couldn't before. It's just a bit of a double-whammy to deal with that and Drake's death at the same time."

"She cared about Drake," Leo nodded as he laced his fingers with his wife's, "more than she realized."

"She misses him," she agreed. "She misses them both and we just have to give her space."

Leo pulled her closer, practically into his lap, and they sat quietly for a while, content to watch their sons play. Until Leo's light caresses and kisses became infinitely friskier.

"Leo," she purred, "I swear your libido's gone into overdrive since you've become mortal."

"Complaining?" he murmured while nuzzling her neck.

"Not at all," she grinned, tilting her head to give him better access.

"Purely selfish on my part, of course," he admitted, between kisses along her neck. "Gotta have some way to burn off the calories from your cooking now that I can't orb anymore."

Piper sucked in her breath when her earlobe suddenly became his snack. "Leo…" She tried pushing him back with her elbow, "The boys…"

"Then we'd better go and be quick," he grinned, pushing her off his lap so he could stand.

"I don't want you quick," she retorted, refusing to let him budge her from the loveseat. She yanked his hand until he sat again next to her and she whispered in his ear, "I want you nice and slow."

"Piper…" he groaned as her fingers toyed with his belt buckle, "not nice to…tease…"

"Mama," Wyatt called out.

Kissing him lightly on the lips, she murmured, "Saved by Junior-Whitelighter."

Leo watched her join their son and admire his tall tower of blocks. As his heart rate returned to normal, Leo's breath was taken away when she turned back to him and smiled. Was it the way she glowed from the sun streaking through the stained glass windows? Or was it simply the love she felt for him? "I love you, Piper."

"Later," she promised and blew him a kiss.

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Victor ignored the chaos all around him and focused solely on his baby girl. The paramedics were on their way but it seemed that her life was slipping through his fingers. "Hang on, Phoebe," he ordered as tears stung his eyes.

"Daddy…" Phoebe could barely see him. Darkness ringed her vision and was growing.

"I'm here, baby, and I'm not going anywhere," he promised even as his hands were soaking with the blood he was trying to staunch from her stomach wound. "Do something!" he screamed at the nearby officer. "Don't let her die. You hear me, Phoebe, don't you die. Don't you die on me."

"I'm sorry, Daddy…" she weakly told him before everything went completely dark. But she felt herself pulled upright and held out her arms to stave off the dizziness. Slowly opening her eyes, she looked around and realized her body was lying on the ground and her father was quickly making room for the paramedics.

"So that's it then," she said, realizing no one could hear, "I'm dead. What now?" She looked to the heavens and called out, "Hello? Where's Death? I sorta expected him y'know, take me to the next world and all that, when my time came."

"Except it's not your time yet."

Phoebe spun and, if she could've actually felt her heart, she'd've found it pounding against her chest a mile a minute. "Cole…"

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	3. part 3

_**Part Three**_

"Of all the fool-hardy, stupid, irresponsible, idiotic things you've ever done," he ranted as he approached her, "this one beats them all. I'd been indulging Piper when I called her the smart one but it looks like the joke really is on me."

Utterly confused by the anger radiating from him, Phoebe simply stood there and took in the sight of him striding towards her. In a casual black jacket, black T-shirt, and black jeans, he looked as handsome as he ever had when he'd been alive. Of course, the man was a veritable stud-muffin who could make a white sheet look like the latest in designer wear but when he wore all black…She giggled at the memory of his indignant reply when she'd dared call him a stud-muffin to his face back when he was Source.

Annoyed by her laughter, he drew upon all his strength not to strangle her. "Are you even listening to me?" he shouted.

She'd been attracted to other men, Drake most recently, and while Drake certainly was yummy, not even he held a candle to the way she could react to Cole. Even fully-clothed, a mere raise of the eyebrow by Cole could send her pulse racing. And after two years of only being able to view him from memory or a scattered photo, she didn't waste the opportunity to check him out again from head to toe before deciding with a sigh, "Sexy and gorgeous as hell."

"What?"

Startled, Phoebe not only realized that she'd spoken aloud but that she'd completely missed out on what he'd been saying, "What'd you say?"

Cole mentally counted to ten. But he'd only made it to three before he muttered through clenched teeth, "Of course you weren't listening. Why should it be different just because I'm in limbo?"

"What are you talking about?" She glanced around, "Is that where we are? I thought Piper said she was in the house." She noticed that her father was following the stretcher toward the ambulance and she mentioned, "Kind of strange to be watching them work on me like that and take me away. Should we follow or do we stay here? What happens next? And what'd you mean it's not my time? What exactly's going on here?"

Cole sighed. At least she seemed to be focusing on the situation now. "You're in another realm, one between life and death." Then he warned her, "But trust me, this isn't where you want to be. This isn't your fate, Phoebe, so go back. Go back to your life and live happily ever after."

"Yeah, right," Phoebe snorted. "Like I just got through telling my Dad, that doesn't happen in real life, certainly not in my real life."

"I thought you were just letting off some steam," he complained.

"How d'you know what I said?" she glared at him. "Were you spying on me?"

He ignored her and questioned instead, "What about Piper and Leo? Hasn't their happy ending taught you about the importance of true love?"

"Piper and Leo are different," she argued, "and I really don't want to get into this with you."

"Why not?"

"Because this isn't something that we can discuss rationally," she replied. "Look," Phoebe held up her hands in front of her, "thanks for what you did for Piper. You made her remember what she fought so hard for in the beginning but that's got nothing to do with m--"

"I didn't do it for her," he exclaimed, "I did it for you!"

"What?" she whispered.

Cole turned from her and watched the ambulance, lights and sirens activated, speed down the block. "I set it all up so you would believe. Didn't Piper tell you?"

"Tell me what?" she sharply asked. "All Piper told us was that you were in limbo, atoning for your sins, and that you convinced her she needed to believe in Leo and their love."

"Great going, Piper," he fumed, "you shot my plan straight to hell."

"What did you do, Cole?" she wondered with growing suspicion. "What plan?"

Realizing his mistake of blurting out his frustration, he reluctantly admitted, "The Thorn Demons didn't attack by accident."

"You…you tried to hurt my sisters?" The world spun around Phoebe and she could barely forgive herself for having considered mourning his passing again. Betrayed once again, she cried out, "How could you? How could you do it?" But she couldn't hear his excuse as light dissolved into darkness and she was pulled away.

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"Dad?"

Victor looked up from his seat in the waiting room to find Piper rushing towards him with Paige close behind. He quickly stood and held his arms open for his daughter. "She's in surgery. She regained consciousness in the ambulance but it wasn't more than a few seconds and she wasn't very coherent. I don't know, maybe it was a minute or two, I just kept telling her over and over that I loved her and that she would be okay, that she had to get better and get back to her family…She lost so much blood, Piper. It was --"

"But she's gonna be okay, right?" Piper pleaded. "Dad? She's gonna be okay, right?"

He tightened his embrace, "The doctors said the bullet missed all vital organs and that she should be fine."

Paige, whose hand still covered her heart, murmured in relief, "Thank God."

"What happened?" Piper asked as she looked up at him.

"We were in the park, by the playground, just talking," he told them as the three sat down, "when we heard a gunshot. Phoebe ran to try and help."

"Of all the idiotic things," Piper muttered. "She doesn't have any powers and she's in public. What was she thinking?"

"She thought she could help," Victor helplessly repeated. "It's all my fault."

"What? No, Dad, it isn't," Piper consoled him, taking his hand into hers. "It was an accident."

"You know how stubborn Phoebe can be," Paige added. "She can't resist helping an innocent."

"But I should've stopped her," he bemoaned. "There was a gun involved and she's not invulnerable."

"Tell us what happened," Piper requested. "You said on the phone something about an assault."

"A teenager," he wearily replied as he leaned back in his seat, "who'd been followed into the park by some guy. She said he'd grabbed her and dragged her behind the trees and that he had a gun." He glanced at the dark rust-colored stains on his shirt before continuing, "She was afraid to scream but couldn't help struggling and the gun went off."

"Was she hurt too?" Paige asked.

He shook his head, "It was a wild shot but she used the opportunity to run. Unfortunately, he grabbed hold of her hair and managed to throw her to the ground. She said she'd squeezed her eyes shut so she wouldn't see him while he raped her but the next thing she knew she was free."

"Phoebe…" Paige realized.

He nodded, "Phoebe had tackled him. The girl said there was a moment when it seemed as if Phoebe didn't even care that he still had the gun." He closed his eyes, trying not to imagine the scene, "The girl said it couldn't've been more than a few seconds at most. The gun went off and Phoebe went down."

Piper kissed her father's cheek and rested her forehead against his shoulder, "You saw it?"

"No," he croaked, "I just missed it. The son of a bitch ran after shooting her, practically knocked me down, but I managed to hold him for the police who just arrived. But I swear, Piper, if I'd've known what he'd just done to your sister, I'd've done more than hold him. I'd have killed him."

"It's still not your fault," Paige reasoned. "And the important thing is that Phoebe's alive and that she saved an innocent."

"But it is my fault," he insisted, "because if I hadn't confronted her on her feelings about love and Cole, she might've been thinking more clearly and might not have risked her life so carelessly."

"It wouldn't have changed anything," Piper decided. "Paige is right. Phoebe can't resist helping an innocent."

"The girl said that Phoebe didn't care," he shook his head. "What if Phoebe didn't just give up on love? What if she gave up on life?"

"That's not true," Piper uttered in disbelief. "Phoebe would never --"

"You didn't hear her," he interrupted. "She's thrilled for you and Leo but she's so disillusioned with love."

"I told you," Paige announced to Piper. "I knew it was more than just Drake dying."

"Fine," Piper commented in a shaky voice, "we'll lecture her when she wakes up."

"If she wakes up," Victor whispered.

"I don't want to hear that," Piper sprang to her feet. "Phoebe is not giving up. She will recover from this. And she will find love again."

Paige quickly stood and hugged her sister and placated Piper, "Of course she will. Now let's sit down, okay?"

"'Kay," Piper murmured as Paige led her back to her seat. With one hand holding Paige's, she reached with her other one for her father's hand before leaning against him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she closed her eyes, praying for her sister.

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"I didn't give up on life," Phoebe muttered from the far corner of the waiting room. "Dad makes it sound like I wanted to be shot."

"Didn't you?"

She sighed at the interruption and turned to face him, "Don't you have somewhere else to be, Cole?"

He shook his head, "Right now, you're my case."

She threw her hands up in exasperation, "What case? You're in limbo. You can't have a case."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't have any powers, for one," she replied in a smart-aleck tone.

"Who told you that?" He leaned back against the wall and folded his arms across his chest, amused by her stunned reaction.

"But, but you're stuck here…"

"Just because this," he spread his hands far apart, "is part of my eternal fate, doesn't mean I'm powerless. I can spend small amounts of time in the real world, travel to the Underworld, or even head up there. I can be seen by and speak to others if that's what I wish, I can influence others. And I can --"

"You're the little bird!"

This time, Cole was confused. "What bird?"

"That's what he was hiding," Phoebe seethed before striding across the room, stopping short of "bumping" into her father. "That no good, two-faced, dirty, demon…He lied to me!"

Realization dawned for Cole and he followed her but she immediately stalked in the opposite direction. Intent on setting her straight, he informed her, "Drake never lied to you."

Phoebe spun to face him and accused, "You set me up! You're as obsessed with me as you were before. God, I'm such a fool. I let Drake get to me. I let him remind me of -- Did you enjoy watching? Of course you did and dragging Piper into it probably only added to your thrills."

He quickly stepped up to her and, short of grabbing her and shaking her, he growled, "You're wrong. I've been trying to save you!"

"Yeah, right!" she shot back. "You can't even be honest with me now." She shoved him out of her way, "I can't believe I was mourning you. You haven't changed a bit! You're nothing but an evi--"

"Dammit, Phoebe, I love you!" he shouted before grabbing her, spinning her around, and clamping his mouth down on hers.

Somewhere, in the back of her mind, Phoebe fought for control. But the rest of her ignored that little portion and was screaming for Cole's touch. Instead of pushing him away, her arms wrapped themselves around his waist and pulled him closer. And when he finally drew back, a mixture of love and anger flashing in his clear eyes, she gazed back at him with nothing but confusion, "How can I want this?"

"Because it's right," he softly told her, fingering one of her loose locks, "because it's love."

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	4. part 4

_**Part Four**_

"Okay, Pheebs," Piper held her sister's limp hand, "it's been two hours since the anesthesia wore off. It's time to wake up."

"The doctor can't explain it," Victor told her. He stood at the foot of Phoebe's hospital bed and wished his youngest daughter didn't seem quite so pale or still. "There's no physical reason why she hasn't woken up."

"Cole," Paige murmured from her spot at Phoebe's other side. She suspected Phoebe was in limbo with him. "But," she brushed some strands of hair behind Phoebe's ear and leaned forward to whisper, "you don't belong with him now. Come back to us."

Piper squeezed Phoebe's hand, "He loves you, Phoebe, but he wants you to live. He wants you to live and be happy. You have to wake u--"

Her sister's words suddenly registered and Paige sat up straight and interrupted, "What d'you mean he loves her? How d'you know that?"

"Everything he did to help me and Leo was really his way of getting through to Phoebe," Piper explained.

"You said Cole helped you make sure you and Leo found your way back to each other," Victor commented. "You didn't say anything about him doing it for Phoebe."

"I was afraid of mentioning that part," Piper sheepishly confessed. They both stared back at her in surprise and she sighed, "I was afraid if Phoebe knew he still loved her, it'd confuse her even more and that she wouldn't be able to move on. And I certainly didn't want her thinking that he was still here trying to manipulate her life."

"Isn't that what he did?" Paige frowned.

"But not in a bad way," Piper offered. "He really does love her, Paige, even if he didn't say it in so many words. And he seems genuinely regretful of the mistakes he's made."

"So killing innocents is reduced to a simple mistake now?" Paige glared.

"Cole's in limbo for eternity," Piper sternly told her youngest sister. "That's the price for what he's done and he's accepted it. You should too."

But Paige was still leery, "You only have his word for that. You said he's accepted his fate, fine. But how do we know he didn't orchestrate this just so Phoebe could join him there so they'd be together for eternity?"

"Because he loves her and wants her to live," Piper repeated. "You should've seen his face when she stared straight at us. But he didn't do a thing to talk to her, to touch her. He didn't even give me any messages for her. He wants her to move on and be happy. I believe him and I'm asking you to, for Phoebe's sake if nothing else."

"I want her to be happy too," Paige commented in a slightly defensive tone before softly adding, "I'm just scared of losing her to evil."

"I know, sweetie," Piper acknowledged with a sad smile, "but believe me when I say that I think all the bad times with Cole really are a thing of the past."

Victor approached Piper's side of the bed and kissed his daughter on the top of her head, "I'm relieved to hear that and I'm sure Phoebe will be too but you still should've told her the truth from the start."

"I know," Piper looked up to her father, "and I swear I'll tell her everything when she wakes up." She glanced down at her sister, "So you'd better wake up, you hear me, missy? I want my sister back even if it's to yell at me and tell me what a rotten older sister I am."

"You're not a rotten older sister," Paige emphatically told her as Piper leaned against her father and wrapped her arms around his waist, "but you may be in hot water for a while."

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Phoebe pulled Cole's arm tighter around her waist and snuggled back against him. The late afternoon sun cast a golden glow as its beams poured in through the bedroom's large picture window and she sighed contentedly. Wrapped in his arms under the silk sheets, she felt as if she were in heaven. In a whisper, she asked, "How is this even possible?"

"Go to sleep, Phoebe," he murmured, leaning forward slightly to kiss her ear.

"But..."

"Later," he promised as he settled back and closed his eyes.

"Don't tell me I've worn you out," she teased softly. "Maybe you really have changed."

"I'm not the same as I was before," he quietly agreed.

Surprised by the seriousness of his tone, she twisted slightly to look at him and propped herself up on her elbow, "Cole? What's wrong?"

He opened his eyes and was taken aback by the genuine concern he saw reflected in her eyes. "You really are worried."

"Is that a question?" she asked in confusion.

He smiled warmly, "An observation." He lightly kissed the tip of her nose and added, "We'll talk later."

Though not completely satisfied by his response, Phoebe still lay down, using his chest as her pillow. His arm draped itself around her and she snuggled closer. "Maybe things are different here," she sighed as she closed her eyes. "I do feel wiped. Or maybe we just needed to expend a bit more energy than usual." But Cole didn't comment on her tease and before she could open her eyes she felt herself being pulled away and she cried out for him.

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Paige jumped from her chair and rushed to Phoebe's side the instant she heard Phoebe's gasp for breath. "We're here, Pheebs, everything's gonna be okay."

Just as Piper joined them, Phoebe's eyes popped open and Piper tried to calm her sister, "It's okay, you're in the hospital. You're gonna be fine."

But Phoebe kept scanning the room and panic was beginning to rise. Cole wasn't there. She didn't see him and her throat was so raw that she could barely hear her own voice call his name.

Paige glanced at Piper in concern and told her other sister, "Cole's not here, sweetie. It's just us and your dad. You were hurt in the park but you're gonna be okay."

Phoebe struggled under the arms holding her down. She had to get back to Cole. She had to…

"Phoebe, please…" Paige had already pressed the call button and was trying not to freak out from Phoebe's terrified reaction. "You're safe here. You're gonna be okay."

"It's as if she doesn't even see us," Piper worried.

"Piper…" Paige whispered helplessly as Phoebe suddenly began to wheeze. "Where's that nurse?"

"Leo!" Piper whispered loudly to the ceiling as Phoebe's monitors began to beep wildly. But she suddenly realized that Leo couldn't hear her, that he'd never be able to hear her call again. "Paige, do something!"

"Me?" Paige gasped. "You know I don't have the power to heal, not without Leo."Though it had already been a few weeks,it finally sank in what it meant that Leo was now mortal. "Hang in there, Phoebe," she desperately encouraged just asthe nurse came running in.

"You need to leave," the older womanordered the sisters just as a doctor entered in a rush. "Now!"

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Cole opened his eyes and stretched before he realized he was alone in bed. He sat with a start and glanced around. With a heavy heart, he accepted Phoebe's choice. It was what he'd wanted, he reminded himself. Getting up, he grabbed a black silk robe and slipped into it. He strode to the picture window and gazed down at the city below. Tightening the belt, he said, "Be happy, Phoebe."

"Why is that so important to you?"

Cole spun at the sound of her voice and found her standing in the doorway wrapped in the matching robe he'd created for her earlier. "You shouldn't be here," was all he said.

"So you told me before," she shrugged. "You also said we'd talk."

He turned back to the window, "You're running out of time, Phoebe. You have to go back."

"I was back," she informed him. "And it was a rather painful experience. Now you owe me a talk and I aim to collect."

"And you called me stubborn." He faced her again and nodded, "But you're right, I owe you a talk. So ask away, whatever you want. I've got nothing to hide."

Phoebe entered the room, sat on the bed, and gazed back at him, "Why do you care?"

"Because I love you," he smiled. "The good, the bad, I love the whole package that is Phoebe Halliwell."

She shook her head, "There's got to be more to it than that."

"Why? Isn't that reason enough? I'm seeing everything clearly now, Phoebe," he explained. "I'm not obsessed with you and I'm not trying to manipulate you in any way."

"Except that you nearly kill Piper in order to get me here," she snapped.

"Piper needed a good shove to get her to see what she was about to lose," he argued, "and if she didn't tell you everything, that's her fault. And I had absolutely nothing to do with your getting shot. That was pure stupidity entirely on your part."

She let the insult pass and considered, "Let's say I believe you. You're trying to save me from this limbo you're in. Why are you so sure it's my fate?"

"Because I've watched you," he warily replied. "I've seen how you've reacted to other men since I…left. And I've seen how each of those relationships ended. You weren't honest with them or with yourself so while you were reaching out to them, your heart was still closing itself off, little by little. Don't be afraid of being who you are, Phoebe, or of wanting love or a family. It's waiting for you if you open yourself to the possibility."

Determined not to let him see how shaken she was by his surprisingly accurate evaluation, she remarked, "Still doesn't explain why you're so sure I'd end up here."

Cole knelt before her and took her hand in his. Pressing it to his lips, he told her, "Because here is where the lost end up. And unless there's some force to guide them back, here is where they stay."

With her free hand, Phoebe caressed his cheek, "You seem to have found your way. Why can't you leave?" She then encouraged him to sit next to her. But when he stood and paced back to the window, keeping his back to her, she repeated, "Why can't you leave?"

He stared at her via her reflection in the glass, "I'm the force, Phoebe."

"I'm not sure I understand," she said in a shaky voice. But a part of her was afraid she did understand.

"My human soul saved me again," he quietly announced as he recalled the painful time that seemed like an eternity ago. "Only there was no Wasteland awaiting me, there was this," he spread his hands apart. "It was empty and dark which fit my state of mind at the time. I was alone with nothing but the memories of my life."

"Cole…" she murmured but she couldn't bring herself to move from her spot on the bed.

"There's no real sense of time here so I'm not sure how long it was before I was approached," he continued. "She explained that I was lost and needed to resolve some of the conflicts of my life before I could move on."

"She?"

Cole shrugged, "She never told me her name and I didn't have reason to know. But she was here for a long time and showed me that I needed to confront actions I'd taken in my life and accept responsibility for the consequences."

The words slipped out before Phoebe even realized it, "Not everything was your fault."

"For that alone," he slowly turned around, "I know now I made the right choice. Thank you."

Confused, she finally stood and approached him, "I'm not sure I understand. You're here by choice?"

Cole nodded, "Once I was able to look a good look at myself, an objective look, and accept what I'd done and everything that had happened, I felt as if a huge weight was gone, a weight I hadn't even realized I'd been carrying. All the darkness disappeared and everything turned bright. It was as if a whole world suddenly opened to me and I was given a choice. I could either move on to whatever the afterlife had in store for me or I could stay in this realm and take over for the one who guided me by doing the same for others."

"It can't be easy being a guide," she realized. "You probably have to relieve a lot of painful memories using them as examples. And you have to deal with the darkness and confusion of others."

"At times," he acknowledged. "What other insight have you discovered?"

"That this's also a very lonely existence," she replied thoughtfully, "without any real companionship or friendship. I don't understand. Why wouldn't you have chosen to move on? Don't you deserve some peace?"

"A part of me was afraid of what was in store for me," he truthfully admitted, "and I didn't want to risk ending up down there again. Besides, I thought if I could help other souls resolve the conflicts of their lives, it might make up for some of the evil I'd done in my life."

"But you're alone," Phoebe wistfully commented. "How can this be enough for you? To spend a moment in the real world while you're waiting for the next lost soul to arrive? What kind of -- me? You think I'm a lost soul?"

"You wouldn't have ended up in this realm if you weren't," he somberly informed her.

"And convincing me to love again will save me?" she wondered.

Cole pulled her into his arms and held her for a moment before he replied, "I hope so. Because, when it is your time, I want your soul to go where it belongs, where there are others waiting for you, others you've been waiting to see."

"What if this is where I belong?" she asked as she stepped out from his arms. "You're guiding lost souls. That's something good, Cole, so why do you insist this's a horrible fate for me?"

"The souls who cross into this realm don't always choose the happy ending," he cautioned her. "Sometimes they return to the world without having resolved anything, ending their lives with conflict and despair. And sometimes even that isn't a solution for them. Sometimes, they remain lost. I've kept you from seeing that aspect but they're here, Phoebe, the lost ones who roam helplessly and aimlessly with nothing but their memories to console them or haunt them for eternity. And to me, now, that's a failure of sorts and it weighs on me. I know you, Phoebe, and I know how important it is for you to help others and I don't want you to share the same burden when you haven't been able to help."

She couldn't control a shiver and glanced around. "I could help you," she declared as she focused on him again.

"You already have," he assured her. "Honey, don't you see? I'd never have made it this far if it hadn't been for you."

"Right," she drawled as she turned from him, "vanquishing you and losing faith in you really helped."

Ignoring her sarcasm, he told her, "It did in a way because it forced me to look at the why. And once I could acknowledge and accept the why, I was able to move on." Cole stepped behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders, "But I was actually talking about your love." He gently turned her around, "I'm talking about the way you opened my eyes and my heart. You reminded me of the humanity that had been locked away deep inside me. You showed me how good it could feel to help someone, to care for someone. You taught me about love."

She couldn't meet his gaze, "A lot of good it did."

"I was bound to make mistakes," he acknowledged, "but you laid the foundation for me. I've learned from my mistakes and I'm atoning for them. And the love you gave me, the love I feel for you, it's what keeps me going. It's what keeps me on track and helps me help others."

Phoebe finally looked up to him with tears in her eyes, "It hurts."

"I know," he nodded as he brushed away a tear that trickled down her cheek. "But I'm still grateful just the same."

"Staying here," she decided, "would let me atone for my mistakes. It would give me a purpose."

"You have a purpose," he stated with concern. He didn't want her to turn this around on him. "This isn't a game, Phoebe. You can't come and go as you please."

"You said you can spend time in the real world."

"In a limited capacity," he explained. "Using powers the way I did for you, here, requires energy."

"You seem fine now," she shrugged.

"But how many souls might I miss while I'm out cold restoring my energy level?" He smiled sadly, "This is exactly what you tried to teach me about there being a greater good."

"This is goodbye, isn't it," she hoarsely realized.

Cole held her tightly and kissed the top of her head before quietly agreeing, "It is."

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	5. part 5

_**Part Five**_

Phoebe didn't move from his embrace and nuzzled his chest before asking, "Isn't there anything I can do for you?"

"Be happy."

She slapped his chest and broke free, "I've basically condemned you to this place and you tell me to be happy?"

"Let's get one thing straight," he demanded, trying to keep his voice down, "I'm here because I chose to be. It was my decision, not yours. This isn't about you, Phoebe."

She immediately hung her head, "You're right and I should never have implied otherwise. I guess I never expected you to be somewhere like this. In my better moments, I'd hoped you'd found peace."

"But I did," he revealed. "The loneliness is a price I'm willing to pay for the knowledge that I'm helping others. I don't feel torn between wanting, or needing, two polar opposites. There's no conflict for me anymore."

She gazed at him and whispered, "I think I envy you, the ability to be. Without apology, without hiding a part of yourself…Oh, Cole, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, for so many things."

"As long one of them isn't that you fell in love with me…" he quietly said.

"No and don't ever think that!" She reached out and hugged him tightly, "I'll never be sorry I love you, Cole. Never. Even when I was so angry that I couldn't see straight, even when it hurt so much that I thought I'd never recover, I never stopped loving you. But it was like this vicious cycle where I was angry because I loved you but the thought of regretting that love made me angry too."

"So instead you buried all the good feelings," he chided, "and that's not healthy. It's what's kept you from moving on. Promise me you'll do better next time."

Phoebe chuckled but it sounded more like a strangled sob, "How many more next times are there before I don't lose the man I choose to love?"

Cole kissed the top of her head, "You will find happiness. With someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved and will give you the family you want."

She tightened her arms around him, "I'm scared."

"You're the strongest woman I know," he sincerely replied. "Don't let my love for you destroy you. Embrace it, Phoebe, accept it. Use it to guide you. You know what love is, you know how powerful it is, find it again. Search it out and hold onto it. Trust in love. Believe in it."

"It's too late," she murmured.

"It's never too late," he smiled. "Believe me on that."

"Sounds like you know something," she mused. "Cole?"

"I can't predict the future," he commented before kissing her. "But I know you and I know what it's like to love you. Others felt this way before me, others will feel this way after me."

"But none will make me feel like the way I feel for you," she murmured with her lips barely touching his. After another sweet slow kiss, she assured him, "And it wasn't all bad, Cole. You brought me some of the best, the happiest, the most wonderful times of my life."

As they parted, he simply said, "Thank you."

Phoebe smiled before she turned from him and faced the window. As she stared at the view, she couldn't help but admit, "I still feel like I've failed you."

He quickly spun her around, bent his head, and kissed her fiercely. "You haven't failed me! I'm where I need to be because of you. The only one failing," his voice tinged with defeat, "will be me if you don't decide to go back and live out your life with love."

Phoebe clung to him, "You didn't fail. I know I have to go back. I just wish…"

"Me too," he told her in a voice choked with emotion. She'd made her choice and it was time for her to leave. And it would take all his strength to let her go.

She didn't know how but she sensed she was out of time and squeezed him even tighter, "You've no idea how much I will miss you and what we could've had."

"No more than I'll miss you," he replied after kissing her again. "I love you, Phoebe, and nothing will ever change that."

"Thank you," she whispered as she smiled through her tear-filled eyes. She reached up to caress his cheek and gazed into his eyes, "I love you, Cole, believe me on that. I love you, the good the bad, the whole package that is Cole Turner."

He smiled at her use of his own words and kissed her forehead, "Be happy, Phoebe."

His lips still pressed to her skin, she nodded slightly. But she suddenly felt herself being pulled away and she desperately cried out, "I'll see you again, I promise."

Cole managed to get in one last kiss before she disappeared from his arms. "Not for a long time, Phoebe, if even then." He turned to the window and, once again, wished, "Be happy…"

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Phoebe's eyes snapped open and, unable to move, she glanced wildly around her. It hurt to swallow and she spotted a pitcher on the table at the foot of her bed. She squinted and realized that her father sat slumped in the chair nearby. "Dad?"

Victor jumped the instant he heard his name and he rushed to Phoebe's side, hovering over her. "It's okay, sweetheart, you're in the hospital."

"Shot…" she croaked.

"But you'll be okay," he clenched her hand, "you'll be just fine."

"Sorry…didn't mean…" She wanted to tell him more but her eyes felt so heavy and she couldn't keep them open. "Love you, Daddy…"

Victor kissed her forehead, "Love you, too, sweetheart…" He watched anxiously as her breathing settled into a normal rhythm for sleep and he sat down on the edge of her bed, giving her hand another squeeze. He glanced up at the ceiling and thanked all of her guardian angels for bringing her back. "Sleep, Phoebe," he softly encouraged. "Daddy's right here."

"Dad?"

He twisted slightly to find Piper standing in the doorway and he smiled, "She woke up."

Piper ran to his side, "What? When? Phoebe…"

"Shhhh," he told her, "she's already asleep."

Piper gazed at her sister, "Are you sure that's all it is? She doesn't look any different than before."

"Trust me," he assured his daughter, "she's just asleep. I'll call for the doctor in a minute."

"Did she say anything?"

He shook his head, "Just a few words." He swept some hair from Phoebe's face, "But she'll be just fine."

Still worried about Phoebe's mention of Cole hours earlier, Piper whispered, "I hope so, Dad, I hope so…"

Suspicious from the tone of her voice, Victor asked, "Piper, do you know something about Phoebe that I don't? Did the doctors --"

"No, Dad," she quickly interrupted, "that's not it. It's just…Well…"

"Tell me."

"Right before she went into cardiac arrest, she called out Cole's name," she nervously said.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because," she sighed, "we didn't want to upset you which of course you are anyway."

He eyed Phoebe, "I thought she was over him."

"We did too but…"

"But what, Piper?" She didn't look like she wanted to continue and he insisted, "But what?"

"I'm fine, Dad. I'm fine and Leo's fine and we're very happy," she began.

"You're also stalling," he warned.

"There was an incident about six weeks ago." She quickly placed her hands on her father's shoulders to keep him from getting up and possibly disturbing Phoebe. "It had to do with Leo losing his powers."

"You didn't tell me about any incident," he accused. "Just that the Elders tested Leo, went back on their word about letting him freely choose, but that he chose you anyway. What did you leave out?"

Piper cringed as she confessed, "I had to die for Leo to choose me…"

"What!"

Phoebe moaned softly and Piper quickly tried to calm her father. "It's okay. I knew what I was doing. I trusted in Leo, in his love for me and our sons."

Victor glanced at Phoebe, relieved she was still sleeping peacefully, but wasn't completely appeased by Piper's explanation, "So how's Cole involved? I mean, that's what you're trying so hard not to tell me, isn't it?"

"It's not like I wanted to tell you about the dying part either," she muttered.

The girls were more like their Grams than he wanted to admit and getting information from them was sometimes like pulling teeth. He took a deep breath and asked in his most stern voice, "What about Cole?"

Piper knew she'd gone too far and told him straight, "While I was dying, my soul ended up in another plane and Cole was there."

He let the words sink in, "He's alive? After everything Paige said, he's really alive? He can come back?"

"He's in limbo," she quickly assured him. "He's not coming back, Dad. He's accepted his fate. And he's the one who helped me. I was ready to give up but Cole's the one who convinced me to trust in Leo."

"He still loves her," Victor realized before panicking, "if he still wants her and she called for him…Piper, do you think she wants to die? Do you think she wants to go to him?" He squeezed Phoebe's hand and leaned forward to whisper in her ear, "You stay with me, Phoebe. I can't bury another daughter."

Upset by her father's reaction, Piper told him, "I don't think she wants to die, Dad. But she has been a little down lately.

He turned his head to look at is daughter and slowly straightened, "I don't want her to know about Cole. When she wakes up, I don't want you saying a word to her about him."

"But she knows he helped me," Piper shook her head. "I already told them that."

"But I'm willing to bet you didn't tell her how he feels about her," he presumed. "I know she's been confused lately and I know she's hurting over him and this other demon."

"Drake," she automatically supplied the name.

"She'll have a hard enough time recovering from this," he reasoned, "and I don't want thoughts of Cole to distract her. I don't want her thinking that she might have another chance with him or that she'd rather give up her life to be with him."

"But she called for him," Piper reminded her father. "What if she remembers that?"

"She was only dreaming," he suggested. "Cole's been on her mind but it was only a dream."

But Piper resisted the idea, "I know you mean well but I can't lie to her."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, "I know…I'm sorry…"

She gave his shoulders a comforting squeeze, "You're exhausted, Dad, why don't you go home for a few hours?"

He shook his head, "Not until she wakes up again. I'll be fine. I'm worried about you, though. You've been here all night too and Chris'll probably be up soon for his feeding. You need to rest."

"I'm used to the sleepless nights," she told him. "Besides, Leo'll take care of the boys. I'm not leaving Phoebe either." She glanced down at her sister, "She'll be complaining about the food and begging us to get her out of here before you know it."

"You know how she hates being sick," Victor warned her. "She'll drive you crazy at home."

Piper leaned over to hug her father and smiled, "I can't wait…"

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	6. part 6

_**Part Six**_

Exhausted, Phoebe sank back into the cushions of the attic sofa. She leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and hoped the ache in her stomach would quickly disappear. The last thing she wanted was to have to call downstairs for either of her sisters. _'God knows I love them but they're carrying this nursemaid gig way too far!'_

She grabbed a pillow and lightly pressed it to her belly. Not only did the wound still hurt but the bandage itched like crazy. She sighed with frustration at herself for having overestimated her ability to move around. The simple flight up the attic stairs really wiped her out. _'I'll rest for a minute before I set up the candles.'_

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Sitting in the attic," Phoebe replied as she opened her eyes and turned her head slightly to find her rather annoyed younger sister standing in the doorway.

Paige shook an index finger at her sister, "You've only been out of the hospital for two days! And you're still supposed to be in bed!"

Phoebe glared at her, "A little louder, Paige, I don't think all the Elders heard you."

Not amused, Paige repeated her question, "What are you doing?"

Phoebe shrugged, "I wanted to perform a spell and thought that after being in bed for a week and a half in the hospital and two days at home I was ready."

"It's nothing that can't wait another few days," Paige insisted as she approached.

"You orb me from here, you can kiss that sweater I promised you good-bye," Phoebe warned.

Paige immediately froze and considered the threat, "Look, Piper and I already performed a spell, a blessing of thanks really, for your recovery. So why not be a good little witch and get back to bed like you were told?"

"You did?"

Paige nodded somberly, "We were pretty scared, Pheebs. It's not like Leo can heal you anymore and we almost lost you…"

"We'll be assigned a new Whitelighter soon enough," Phoebe assured her.

"But what makes you think the Whitelighter will be able to heal?" Paige considered. "I can't and Leo told me it's not necessarily a skill all Whitelighters have."

Phoebe rolled her eyes, "Please…with all the demons we attract on a daily basis? They'd be crazy not to send us a healer."

Paige folded her arms across her chest, "Yeah, well, they'd better speed up their decision 'cuz we can't handle another attack like this. You think they'd've sent someone to the park."

"They couldn't risk exposure of magic," Phoebe commented. "Besides, I deserved what happened."

"You can't mean that!" Paige gasped.

"Well not the way you mean," Phoebe declared. "It's just that…"

Paige darted to Phoebe's side when Phoebe suddenly stopped speaking and brought a hand to her forehead. Paige was about to call for Piper when Phoebe reached out with her free hand and tugged on Paige's sleeve.

"Just a little dizzy spell," Phoebe shakily said as she slowly took a deep breath.

"You look terrible," Paige told her in a worried tone.

"Just a little winded. I'll be fine," Phoebe assured her sister.

"Dr. Harman warned you to take it easy," Paige frowned. "Maybe you should call him."

"No," Phoebe argued. "He told me I might have these spells if I overextended myself. But I didn't think going to the attic constituted overextending myself."

"Well obviously it does," Paige remarked as she stood and held her hand out to her sister, "so, if you don't mind, back to bed now." She saw Phoebe about to protest and suggested, "You can perform your spell in your bedroom just as easily as you can from here."

Phoebe shook her head, "I need a ring of lit candles. I'll be okay, don't worry."

Paige's gaze on her sister narrowed and she frowned again, "You're going back to him, aren't you?"

"Who?" Phoebe asked, genuinely puzzled.

"Cole." Phoebe's mouth dropped and Paige quickly informed her sister, "We know, Phoebe, we know you were with him in limbo. You called out his name when you woke up from surgery, just before you went into cardiac arrest." So caught up in the memory, Paige barely noticed the look of shock on Phoebe's face. "But you made it! You're alive! So I really don't get why you'd still want to kill yourself by going back to him."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?" Phoebe whispered. She indicated for her sister to sit next to her again. "Sweetie, I don't want to die. I told you, what happened in the park was reckless and foolish on my part. I mean, come on, my father was standing right there. Pure stupidity's actually what Cole said."

"You did save the girl," Paige quietly pointed out, coming to her sister's defense.

"And if I'd been thinking clearly, I might've avoided getting shot in the process. I'm sorry I scared you," Phoebe contritely said. "And I'm sorry I'm driving you and Piper up the wall with my complaints. I'm really glad you're here and that you're taking care of me."

"I don't want to lose you."

Phoebe carefully hugged Paige, "You're not gonna lose me."

"When Piper called me at Magic School and told me you'd been shot, I thought…" Paige cleared her throat, "Let's just say I've had a bit of insight into what you and Piper went through losing Prue."

Phoebe apologized again and tightened her embrace, "Gave Dad a few more gray hairs too, huh."

Paige couldn't help but chuckle even as she insisted, "Not funny."

Phoebe kissed her sister and pulled back, "You're right though. Some good did come from what happened. That brave girl's gonna be okay, in time anyway. And I got to see Cole and it was…" She nearly choked up thinking about what it was like being with him again, not just making love but simply being in his presence and being able to talk to him, laugh with him. She felt the tears welling in her eyes and squeezed her eyes shut.

"But it wasn't enough was it," Paige sulked when she saw her sister's reaction. Phoebe was in love with him. Again. How was she ever going to move on if she couldn't get over him?

Phoebe heard the frustration in her sister's tone but couldn't apologize for the way she felt. Not anymore. She thought for a moment how to phrase her answer, "No, it wasn't enough, Paige. I'm sorry but it wasn't. Cole and I needed closure. And we got it but it was so rushed. It was like we were racing the clock and had all that pressure to say everything we needed before we'd be pulled apart again. And we did, we got to say what we wanted. But it still feels like there should've been more, more to say, more to hear, just more time. Does that make any sense to you?"

Paige considered her sister and finally nodded. "But I've gotta be honest with you, Pheebs, it bothers me that you're still not okay with it. You say you've had the closure you wanted but you kept it all to yourself. Did you fall back in love with Cole? He's gone, for good. How can you move on if you're hooked on him again?"

"Because of him," Phoebe smiled. "Talking to Cole helped me." She leaned back and hugged the pillow close again. "I didn't even know how much baggage I was still carrying around. Here I was, just about to get involved with someone new, again, but it was doomed to fail and I didn't even realize it."

"But you adored Drake…"

"Yeah, I did," Phoebe smiled again as she thought of the demon whose singing voice could make her melt. "But it never would've worked. Just like it didn't work with Jason or Leslie."

"That's different," Paige argued. "Leslie was only here temporarily and Jason couldn't get past the witch thing."

"But I was still hiding a part of myself from them," Phoebe maintained. "Hell, I was hiding it from myself so how could I ever expect to have an open, loving, lasting relationship with any of them?"

"And five minutes with Cole changed all that," Paige questioned with exasperation.

"Because I had the chance to talk to him," Phoebe patiently explained. Her time with Cole was so personal, so special, and she wasn't ready to share details. Maybe she never would. But she did want Paige to understand what she'd learned about herself. "I finally had the chance to deal with all the emotions and feelings I'd buried and denied." She didn't give Paige a chance to interrupt, "Yes, I did. It's not like it'd been deliberate but it had become easier to simply not talk about it, not think about it, not feel…And now it's like Cole said, there's a huge weight gone. And the fact that I can acknowledge my love for him and not feel ashamed or guilty for it is part of what'll let me move on, honestly be able to move on…"

"What about what he did to you, to us?" She'd tried not to make it sound like too much of a whine but Paige really wanted to know where Phoebe stood. "What about the innocents he killed?"

"It still hurts," Phoebe admitted, "but not so much as the loss I felt. And we can't change the past. You of all people know that. All we can do is accept what happened, for good or bad, and go on from there. As for Cole…Cole's accepted his role in what happened and he's doing his best to atone for it."

Paige recalled what Piper had said when Phoebe was recovering from surgery. They'd talked more about Cole in general since then but only between themselves. Neither had felt Phoebe was ready especially when Phoebe hadn't even mentioned that she'd been with Cole. And, as per Victor's suggestion, they hadn't wanted to stir things up by bringing up the subject. "Being in this limbo's atonement?"

Phoebe nodded, "Maybe if he can direct some lost souls, it'll help balance the scale a bit. And maybe, in spite of what he thinks, maybe one day he'll feel like he's earned the right to move on."

"So you were a lost soul and he was helping you?" Paige wondered. "Just like Piper?"

"Well…" Phoebe hesitated as she remembered what Cole had confessed, "it seems Cole had a bit more to do with what happened to Piper than he did me."

"What!"

"Calm down, Paige," Phoebe quickly encouraged. She wanted to avoid Paige's calling for Piper who would surely freak out on her. "It's not as bad as you think."

"And I was just beginning to forgive him," Paige muttered before demanding, "What'd he do to Piper?"

"Other than convincing her to fight for herself and Leo," Phoebe shrugged, "he didn't do anything to her."

"You're leaving something out," Paige accused. "No more secrets, Phoebe."

Phoebe considered her sister's countenance and the fact that Paige had mumbled something about forgiving Cole so she sighed and replied, "It's not so much that Piper was lost but that I was, or I was about to be. He sent Drake my way while he also managed to use Piper's situation with Leo to his advan--"

"Wait a minute, back up," Paige interrupted. "He sent Drake? How's that even possible?"

"Cole was the one who led Drake to the sorcerer," Phoebe explained, "and Drake owed him."

"But if Cole could contact Drake, he could always come ba-- and we're supposed to believe Cole's good?" Paige worried. This was worse than she thought.

Phoebe glared at her sister, "Drake was good. All he wanted was to be human and Cole pushed him in the right direction. In return, before his time ran out, Drake was supposed to convince me not to give up on love."

"Didn't do such a good job if you were ready to die," Paige criticized.

"I wasn't ready to die!" Phoebe snapped.

Paige rolled her eyes, "Whatever…"

For a few minutes, the sisters fumed, simply sitting next to each other without saying a word. Finally, Paige stood and walked to the door.

"Don't be mad," Phoebe quickly pleaded.

Paige stopped and turned around. "I'm not. I'm just worried about you. We both are."

"I'm gonna be fine," Phoebe promised. "Give me a couple of weeks to recover physically but you're gonna be seeing a brand-new Phoebe Halliwell."

"I'm here for you if you need me," Paige offered. She was about to leave again when Phoebe called her.

"What'd you mean before about forgiving Cole?"

Given that she'd just insisted Phoebe not keep any secrets, Paige sat next to Phoebe again and confessed, "You're not the only one who's had time to think. When you were in the hospital, Piper and I talked about lots of things including Cole." She saw Phoebe's interest and quickly said, "I'm not saying I forgive him completely. He did some horrible things, Pheebs. He made me doubt my sanity, tried to drive a wedge between us…and maybe he was possessed by the Source but it was Cole who targeted me, not Piper, not Leo…me."

"Are you so sure of that?"

Paige nodded, "If it'd just been the Source, Piper and I would've been dead long before you two even got married. It even could've worked in his favor by arranging it so you'd think it'd been a demonic attack and he'd've been the only one left for you to turn to."

"Quite a scenario…" But it wasn't one Phoebe hadn't already thought of herself. She'd wanted to mention it to Cole, to show him how hard it had been for her to separate what he'd done from what the Source had made him do, but the conversation hadn't really steered in that direction. Somehow, though, she felt he'd understood. She suddenly heard her name and apologized, "Mind just wandered for a minute…"

"Anyway, while I believe Cole was responsible for what happened to me, I think I can finally say that I believe Cole was also the one who kept us alive," Paige conceded. "And Piper and I were talking about that and about your relationship with him and I think maybe I understand his point of view a bit better now."

"You did in the end," Phoebe quietly acknowledged. "You saw him much more clearly than I did, than I could. I wanted it to be over and for him to move on, simple, just like that. But you still tried to help him."

"So did you."

"But not enough," Phoebe sadly admitted.

"I know he did good things too. I know he helped us save some innocents. And I know he wanted to stay good. And I'm grateful that he was in limbo so that he could help Piper." Afraid she might not be able to admit it all, Paige continued in a breathless rush, "And I'm even more grateful he let you go when he could've so easily kept you with him. It would've been exactly what he'd hoped for, 'specially if you were so willing. I also think it takes a lot of courage to take on limbo for an eternity."

Phoebe wiped away a tear from her eye, "Thank you, Paige." She cleared her throat, "I know how hard it's been for you to get to this point."

"Hard on all of us." Not wanting to push her luck by continuing the conversation, Paige paused a moment before asking, "Maybe, y'know, when you're feeling better we'll be able to talk more about it?"

Phoebe sighed with relief, "I'd like that." She still wouldn't tell her sisters everything but it would be nice to feel that she could talk freely about him without the anger or bitterness they'd all felt.

"When you see him, tell him for me, okay?" Paige squeezed her sister's hand before she stood, "Meantime, you've got twenty minutes for your spell before I return to orb you back to bed."

"Yes, ma'am," Phoebe saluted. When Paige wrinkled her nose in reply and was about to retort, Phoebe finally smiled and guaranteed, "Twenty minutes, I promise."

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	7. part 7

_**Part Seven**_

Phoebe practically collapsed onto the sofa. First arranging the candles and then bending again to light them hadn't helped the ache at all and, much as she hated to, she'd probably have to take a painkiller now. Wiping the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, she recited the spell she'd created yesterday. It was a moment before she was rewarded with a bright white light in the center of the circle. She heard him before she actually saw him but she was already smiling in anticipation.

"Hey there cutes, put on your dancin' boots and come dance with me…"

"Hey there yourself, cutes," Phoebe cheerfully greeted, momentarily forgetting her pain.

Drake grinned and continued singing while dancing out of the circle to the spot in front of her. As he got to the end of the chorus, he reached out, tugged her on her hand, and lightly swung it to and fro. "As we wing home, cheek to cheek we'll be," he sang, "Come on, come on, come on, come on, and dance with me." He pulled a bit harder on her hand in order that she get off the sofa and join him but he was surprised by her sudden cry of pain and, without skipping a beat, immediately knelt before her. "Phoebe?"

Trying not to groan, she gingerly brought her arm back to the pillow and hugged it tightly to herself. She knew he was waiting but she needed to take several deep breaths before she could explain. "Didn't you get the news up there?"

"I've been in meetings," he replied with growing anger that he hadn't been informed. "What happened?"

She raised an eyebrow, "What kind of meetings?"

But he remained serious, "You're hurt, Phoebe. What happened?"

Grateful for his concern, she couldn't help caressing his cheek and sighing, "I missed you."

He took her hand and brought it to his lips, "I missed you too. But I need to know."

"I was shot." She watched his eyes widen in surprise and rolled her own, "Long story…" She hadn't called him to impress him with her reckless behavior. It had been bad enough being chewed out first by Cole, then her father and sisters, and last, but by no means least, Grams.

Without releasing her hand, Drake used his other hand to move the pillow. That's when he noticed the bandage sticking out from beneath her cropped top. He sucked in his breath as he realized it wasn't some minor graze.

She watched him hesitate and knew he wanted to touch the bandage but wouldn't so as not to hurt her. He frowned and, for the first time since she'd met him, Phoebe saw the demon within Drake, smoldering in his eyes. "I'm okay," she softly told him. "The bullet missed everything and they removed it without a problem. All I need is some time to recover and I'll be good as new. Honest."

But her words didn't really register. All he could see was that Phoebe was badly hurt. "I'll kill him."

She lightly squeezed his hand, "My dad already took care of him. And by that I mean he's in jail, not that he's dead much as Dad would've liked him to be." She patted the cushion next to her. "Tell me about these meetings. They wouldn't've been with a former Source that I might've married, huh?"

Drake's gaze narrowed and he warily asked, "Wasn't he vanquished in some alternate reality?"

"Could never keep Cole down for long. Maybe you met for a little follow-up to your mission," she teased.

"You know," he stated. "How?"

"He told me, of course." She inhaled sharply from a sudden wave of pain and decided she wouldn't be able to enjoy this little game so she quickly explained, "I ended up in limbo for a little while."

He hung his head and closed his eyes as he apologized, "It's my fault. If you'd believed, you'd never have gone there. I should've tried harder."

"Oh, Drake…" But he didn't look up nor did he open his eyes so she squeezed his hand again, "You weren't so far off. Maybe if we'd had more time together…"

"Or maybe," he considered as he finally looked at her, "I wasn't the right one to convince you." He didn't miss the way the corners of her mouth slightly curved up. "You're here so you're convinced now, right?"

"I am," she assured him with a sad smile. "Love is worth it and every moment should be treasured for when you can't be with the one you love."

He carefully put his arm around her shoulder, drew her closer, and smiled when she leaned her head against him. "Are you really okay?"

"Well it's not like you see on TV where I'm up and running a week later as if nothing happened," she told him. "But I'll be fine."

They were quiet for some time while Phoebe rested comfortably against him and Drake unconsciously twirled the ends of her hair through his fingers, humming other Sinatra tunes as he did.

"Why'd you call me?" he suddenly asked. "Not that I mind, of course, but why now?"

Phoebe stirred and shifted position slightly in order to look up at him. "I needed to apologize." She saw the questions in his eyes and answered him, "Right before you left, I lied to you. You wanted so badly to hear me say that I believed in love and I didn't want to disappoint you." Tears welled in her eyes, "You'd been so up front and honest but you didn't want to stay and --"

"I couldn't stay," he corrected. "There's a difference. I made a deal, Phoebe."

"With a demon who reneged on it the instant he tried to trick you into doing evil," she snapped. "You didn't even want me to try to find a way out for you."

Drake gently stroked her cheek and murmured, "If you only knew how hard it was."

"To stay?" she sniffed.

"To leave…"

Phoebe nuzzled his shoulder, "Then why?"

"Because it was the right thing to do," he answered, caressing her cheek again. "I needed tofulfill my end of the bargain if I wanted what I chose, to be human, to have any meaning. Can you understand that?"

She nodded, "When I wasn't busy being angry with you or feeling hurt, I was proud of you."

He pushed her back slightly, "Really?"

"Really," she confirmed for him. "But I was angry and hurt that you wouldn't let me help you and I couldn't accept that I'd been ready to -- I couldn't believe in love. I just couldn't. And I'm sorry because you deserved the truth but you were out of time and I didn't want to hurt you and --"

Drake silenced her with a tender kiss. "In spite of my honorable intentions, I wasn't honest with you either, Phoebe. Once a demon, always a demon, eh?"

"You're a good demon, then," she countered. "Maybe one of the only two in this universe," she added softly. He still looked like he wanted forgiveness so she assured him again, "I understand why you didn't tell me and I'm okay with it…Just like I'm okay with your other little secret."

His stomach dropped as he asked, "What other little secret?"

"Oh, the way you feel about me," she teased as she pulled his arm tighter around her shoulders and snuggled against him.

Relieved she didn't seem furious with him, he questioned, "And just how do I feel about you?"

"You love me," she smugly stated.

"Says who?" He tried to keep his tone light but those butterflies had just returned to his stomach with a vengeance.

"The same little bird who told you exactly when to enter my life. I think his name is," she pretended to struggle for a name, "Cole?"

Not bothering to deny it, he simply mused, "Now that must have been an awkward conversation." But he didn't let her comment and quickly asked her, "How d'you feel about that?" But when she didn't speak, he regretted having posed the question. She'd never once led him to expect anything more than friendship and she clearly still loved her ex. "Never mind, forget I asked."

"You left," she sadly reminded him. "Does it matter now?"

Drake slid from behind her and moved to her other side in order to face her, "Yes, it does."

She couldn't tease him and honestly replied, "I was crazy about you and, maybe, if we'd've had more time…"

"What if we did?" he carefully asked.

"Did what?"

He took hold of both her hands and kissed one before the other, "What if we had more time?"

Phoebe smiled in confusion, "Last I checked you were still dead."

"What if I came back?"

Her smile faded and she pulled her hands free, "What do you mean?"

Drake stood and paced to the opposite end of the room before he turned, paced back, and stood before her. "I've been offered an opportunity. That's what the meetings were about."

"Go on," she warily encouraged.

"It seems I made a bit of an impression with those Elders of yours…"

Phoebe's heart began pounding against her ribcage and she guessed in a hushed tone, "They made you a Whitelighter."

"Not a done deal yet," he cautiously clarified, "and I didn't agree to be just any Whitelighter."

"Our Whitelighter?" she gasped. "Our new Whitelighter?"

He slowly nodded and knelt before her, "What do you think about that?"

"What do I think?" She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, "I think it's great!" But no sooner had she done that than she collapsed against him in pain. "Oh, God…" she groaned.

Drake quickly maneuvered himself to the sofa where Phoebe curled up in a ball, her head in his lap. He tried not to aggravate her pain as he twisted in order to reach for the pillow she'd been holding earlier.

She couldn't believe the pain and wrapped her arms around her middle, drawing her knees up to her chin. She tried holding her breath as if it would stop the pain.

"Try this," he suggested as he carefully eased the pillow between her arms and stomach. He felt helpless and didn't like the feeling at all. If she consented, he'd have to talk to Them about giving him some healing powers.

"Burns…" she gasped as she hugged the pillow tight.

He gently smoothed her hair from her face and encouraged, "Try to take slow, deep breaths…" He saw her squeeze her eyes shut and, in a soothing tone, suggested, "Just concentrate on breathing nice and slow."

"Why didn't…accept?" she asked before biting her lower lip. It hurt to speak.

"I told them it depended on you and your sisters," he replied. "Are they home? Did they leave you any potions for pain?"

"Painkillers…downstairs…" She felt him stir and moaned, "Stop, don't…move…"

"I'm sorry," Drake quickly apologized. She'd have to bear the pain a little while longer until he could move without hurting her more. To distract her, he decided to tell her briefly about the offer. "The Elders were impressed, astounded really, that someone of my, shall we say questionable, background wanted to be human and it seems they spent the past year watching me. They even tested me and I never had a clue."

"Cole?" She still couldn't breathe freely yet without pain and clutched the pillow tighter.

"We'd often run into each other over the years when we were passing through the city," he explained. "Always enjoyed hanging out, even way back when…Turns out now I was his first solo case."

"You…lost?"

He unconsciously caressed her cheek as he revealed, "I don't have to tell you what you're up against down there if you want to be good and still keep your head. And I suppose the decades of suppression were catching up to me. Cole saw I was losing faith and stepped in."

"The sorcerer…" she exhaled. Was the pain finally easing?

He nodded, "I believe you know the rest. Now close your eyes again." When she complied, almost too quickly, he continued, "The Elders came to me with their offer but I told them I would only become a Whitelighter if I had only one, rather three, charges. Seeing as the Charmed Ones were short one Whitelighter and that you're a magnet to demons more than most witches, they agreed. As long as you agreed."

"I agree," Phoebe sleepily informed him. She couldn't believe how tired she felt and she struggled to prop herself up but couldn't manage it.

"It's okay," he assured, "sleep, Phoebe, we'll talk later."

"Stay…"

He brushed some hair from her eyes, "Close your eyes, slow deep breaths, I'm still here…"

"Sing…" she murmured.

Drake smiled and began singing softly to her. She was asleep before he even reached the first chorus and, as he finally relaxed and leaned back, he continued singing, stroking her shoulder as he did.

"All right, Pheebs, time's," Paige froze when she entered the attic and saw Drake sitting there, "up. Uh, Drake, not the demon I was expecting." And then she noticed Phoebe curled in his lap and rushed towards them, "Is she okay?"

He brought his index finger to his lips to shush Paige and he spoke in a low tone, "She's sleeping."

Annoyed with herself for having given into Phoebe's whim when she'd known better, Paige shook her head, "I knew she'd overdone it. I'd better orb her to bed."

"I can do that," he told her, "but let Phoebe be for a little longer. On the other hand, maybe we should wake her so she can take that painkiller."

"She hates taking them," Paige commented before she realized what he'd said. "What d'you mean you can do that? Since when can you orb? You're a Whitelighter?"

"I'm your Whitelighter," he specified. "Assuming you and Piper also approve." He watched her frown and asked, "You were hoping for someone else?"

She put aside thoughts of Kyle and apologized, "It was silly to think they might send him." Quickly changing the subject she commented, "So, you're the one Phoebe called."

"Cole can only make limited appearances," Drake said as he glanced down at Phoebe, "and I think they both realize it can't work."

"She's in love with him," Paige informed him.

"As he is with her," he agreed.

"You did too good a job with her," she criticized. "You were supposed to get her to believe in love to move forward, not backward."

He smiled at her, "Love doesn't die because you can't be with that person, Paige. Will you never fall in love again because you still love your Whitelighter?" He cut her off as she began to protest, "Phoebe's learned that lesson all too well. And now that she can acknowledge that love, her love for Cole, she'll be able to move on. She'll be able to embrace a new love without losing the old."

"She pretty much said the same thing," Paige realized. "For her sake, I hope you're both right."

"Paige," he grinned, "I'm always right."

"So, tell me then," she challenged, "this Whitelighter gig wouldn't be your way of making sure you're Phoebe's next love, would it?"

"Would I do something like that?" Drake questioned with feigned innocence. "The Elders came to me, honest." With a shrug, he added, "The fact that it worked in my favor is my good fortune. Of course, if you and Piper have problems with it, I'll tell them to forget the deal. I told them it was the Charmed Ones or nothing."

"You love her that much?" she gasped in surprise. He didn't answer and she quickly told him, "Look, Drake, you're a nice guy but you've no idea what it means to be involved with Phoebe. She's my sister and I love her to death but she's had a lousy track record especially when she's in love with Cole. Are you ready to compete with a ghost in limbo? Are you ready to be a Whitelighter to us if she can't love you the way you want?"

"Who says it has to be a competition?" he countered. "Can't she love me as much as she loves Cole?" Phoebe stirred but didn't waken and he lowered his voice, "There is something between us and I can be patient. Give her some time."

"I hope it doesn't backfire," Paige sincerely told him.

"It won't," Drake assured her, "because I believe. And she does too. It'll be great, Paige, you'll see."

"But the future isn't --"

"You know," he interrupted, "part of the Charmed Ones' problem's that they spend too much time worrying about the future, either preserving it or changing it, that they often miss out on the simple pleasures of life."

"Simple and Charmed Ones, in the same sentence? You don't know us at all, do you?" she joked.

"Sure I do," he acknowledged, "and that's why I'm here. We'll have fun, Paige, you'll see."

"That's what I'm afraid of," she muttered. "Look, I'll talk to Piper. Why don't you take Phoebe to bed and --" Paige couldn't believe the way that came out and felt her blush spread as Drake grinned appreciatively. "You know what I mean," she declared as he began to orb out, singing 'I've Got You Under My Skin.' "Painkillers on her nightstand," she called out. "A singing demonic Whitelighter in love with Phoebe," she groaned to herself, "Piper's gonna love this."

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	8. epilogue

_**Epilogue**_

From: Elise Rothman

To: Phoebe Halliwell

Cc:

Subject: Re: Letter to Readers

- - -

I'll bump Toni's piece to make room. She's been begging for an extension anyway. See me at 12:30. We'll order in and tighten it up over lunch. Nice work.

I'll call the producer to schedule the interview here to avoid travel – do it by phone if necessary. No arguments – you've got enough stress as it is!

E

Original Message----------------

From: Phoebe Halliwell

To: Elise Rothman

Cc:

Subject: Letter to Readers

Attachment: P Letter.doc

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Here's the column we discussed (as text and attachment). I know it's long and repetitive and I edit it every time I open it but I can't look at it anymore and still see straight. Do you have time this morning to discuss cuts?

Also, got the go-ahead for the interview – as long as I'm not flying, the two-hour drive there and back would be okay. Break it up overnight - mini-vacation? ; )

P

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_Dear Readers,_

_I'd like to borrow today's column from you in order to share some of my thoughts from recent weeks._

_I love my job. I love my boss and I love my colleagues. But most of all, I love those of you who write to me every day asking for advice or sharing thoughts or thanking me for some advice I provided. That you have let me into your lives in such a personal way and would then flood my inbox, hospital room, and office with cards and letters, gifts and flowers, means more to me than I can possibly express._

_You deserve my undivided attention and the best possible advice as I sit and answer your letters so I must apologize for my columns in the weeks preceding the shooting. The words flowed by rote or by common sense but not from deep within me. And during the past six weeks I have had plenty of time to think and to acknowledge that, at that time, I didn't believe in my own advice, at least not wholeheartedly. Simply put, I'd lost faith._

_But my Grams taught me, at a very young age, that everything happens for a reason. Good or bad, we may not know why but the why does exist. And Grams was right. Being shot wasn't one of my goals in life but it happened and I'm grateful. Being shot forced me to take a long, hard, objective look at myself and at the direction of my life. Being shot forced me to face the reasons why I had suddenly felt lost and adrift._

_And it wasn't easy. It's hard to accept the fact that you've made mistakes, costly mistakes. It's hard to accept the fact that, in spite of the pain you have suffered, you have also caused others pain. It's hard to accept the fact that sometimes it's too late for anything but good-bye._

_And yet, sometimes being forced to accept those facts is the very motivation you need in order to move on. Sometimes accepting what's made you weak is what makes you stronger. And sometimes saying good-bye is the only way you can say hello._

_Credit for my journey of self-discovery is due to several people (who will be thanked later) but none more so than, of all people, my ex. The last time I had seen him was a time of much bitterness and anger and sadness for us. But seeing him that day, the day I was shot, brought about a confrontation I hadn't even realized I needed. What an amazing difference two years can make!_

_And maybe confrontation is too strong a word. It was more like a meeting of the minds where we could talk freely to each other without worrying about any of the constraints of the "real world" closing in on us. Cole reminded me that love is the most powerful force in this universe. He reminded me how important it is to believe. He reminded me that finding closure doesn't have to be a negative or sad occasion. And for the first time in a long time, I think I've found what I'd lost in my life. Because of him. Because I believe again. _

_Recovery from a gunshot wound isn't at all like you how you see it on TV. After all these weeks, I'm still not back to where I was physically before the shooting and it's more than a little frustrating. I'm not used to taking things slow and I've certainly driven my family up the proverbial wall while being forced to do so. Thankfully, I have the greatest, and most understanding, boss (Thank you, Elise!) who has worked with me on rearranging my schedule so that I could still do my job, a job that I love and that has seen me through more than a few rough patches in my life._

_I wish I could thank each and every one of you personally and I hope you'll forgive me for acknowledging you as a group. Given the publicity my column has received, I knew I'd struck a chord with you but I never really understood what it meant. That you accepted my advice on a daily basis was encouragement enough but that so many of you went above and beyond was simply amazing. The outpouring of support and encouragement through your cards and letters, gifts and flowers, were such a tremendous source of inspiration for me in my recovery. _

_No one warned me about the emotional upheaval. To know I'd come close to death and watch those I love deal with it. To confront my own long-buried feelings about painful issues of my past and finally let go. To say good-bye to loved ones and welcome new ones. To look into my two-year old nephew's eyes and be unable to explain why I can't play with him. To be unable to swing my one-year old nephew up in the air when he toddles into my arms. To find so-called journalists going through my trash and be unable to chase them away. It takes its toll and I find myself standing at a new crossroads in my life._

_The recent run of tabloid photos and articles about me were hurtful more because my family didn't sign on for the publicity free-for-all I inherited as my column has gained popularity. And being the latest "hero" didn't alleviate matters for them. I grudgingly accept that my life's turned into this glass fishbowl but to see my nephew's face beaming at me in the tabloids directly opposite the latest Hollywood starlet's brush with rehab absolutely sickens me. To see someone I care very much about subjected to rumors and lies merely because he's been seen in my company in recent weeks is unfair. And, for the record, he's a teacher of the arts and not a pro-baseball athlete fighting rumors ofsteroid abuse. Maybe it's a sacrifice of privacy I have to make but my family and friends don't. If you would truly like to show more support for me, please don't buy these weekly magazines and subscribe to this type of trashy publicity. _

_And before I get the calls claiming the legitimacy of the articles, let me say right here that there were two correct facts: I do write the 'Ask Phoebe' column and I am pregnant. To spare you from the math, yes, that means this baby was conceived the day I was shot. And getting pregnant wasn't any more planned for me that day than it was to bump into my ex or get shot. I'm still in shock. But I am thrilled. I want this baby with every fiber of my being._

_I had just about given up hope of having a family. I felt alone and lost and yet an unexpected tryst with my ex produced this miracle. All babies are miracles of course. But given that I'd suffered a miscarriage once before, that my body's been under much stress due to the shooting, that my workload is heavier than usual in trying to catch up, and that the rumor mills are running at full-speed, it's even more of a miracle that everything is progressing as well as it is. When I think of all that could have gone wrong and still may…Perhaps you can understand why I've been so quiet lately about responding to the gossip and why I've been more protective of my privacy._

_Despite all my fears, I still feel blessed. Blessed because I have the most amazing and supportive father and sisters. Blessed because I have a job that gives me such a sense of fulfillment. Blessed because those I try to help have been a source of encouragement for me. Blessed because I have two adorable nephews who make me smile and laugh when it's sometimes the last thing I want. Blessed because I was able to enjoy watching Cole react when I told him the news. Blessed because, even though our lives pull us in different directions and our time together can only be for brief cherished moments, I know he loves us and he knows we feel the same._

_So, where do I go from here as I recover from a shooting and adjust to a pregnancy? After much contemplation, I realized the answer was in front of me all along. And I'll continue the path I believe I was destined to take. Where I was once afraid of being alone, I'm not anymore. Because I have been blessed with precious guides who constantly remind me in a thousand different ways that I am loved and have love to give. _

_Daddy – you were lost to me for so many years but, since I found you again, you've become not just my father but my friend. Piper and Paige – you have stood by me through some of the worst moments of our lives and have encouraged me and cheered me on through some of the best and you are my best friends. Wyatt and Chris (who can't read this now but will someday) – you will be fantastic role models and companions for your cousin-to-be and I couldn't be happier. Leo – you have an amazing breadth of knowledge and the patience of a saint and I know I can always count on you. Elise – you took a chance on a complete novice and, each day, provide me with your insight and friendship and allow me the room to improve and grow. Drake – you teach me (as well as your students) every day to find the music in life and of the importance of living in the moment while letting the future be.You continually amaze and inspire me and I treasure our time together. And, Cole – you have given me the most precious gifts of all: a part of your soul and the trust that I will protect, raise, and guide our child on the path of goodness and light and, while I miss you always, you are never missing from my heart._

_Thank you for your love and support. I couldn't do any of this without you. Nor would I ever want to. You are all a part of me and I love you all._

_Tomorrow the column will return to its true focus – you, the readers. Thank you for your patience and understanding._

_And never forget to believe…_

_- Phoebe_

_**The End**_


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